Hiya,
Why have I not had surgery? Why give up Attack? There are a number of reasons why
- I am self employed and I can not afford to take the recovery time off. Just having an arthroscopy meant I was off teaching Pump, Spin and TBC for almost 2 weeks and that was hard on the finances. My surgeon quoted between 3-6 months recovery for a reconstruction - and I cannot afford that at the moment.
- My sureon also said that he would be uneasy to do reconstruction surgery if I was going to carry on teaching Attack, as I would be much more likely to injure that knee again if I was doing the same kind of exercise that caused the injury in the first place.
- I also work as a Mind and Body coach and have a firm belief that every injury and every illness come from an emotional perspective (the body and mind act as one). So what is the point of fixing the body if the mind hasn't been examined, and sorted. How many people have re-occuring injuries, go to the physio and get it fixed - and then 3 months later the same injury comes back. I have done a lot of work on why my injury occurred - what was its positive intention for me.
The injury happened at a club were one of my attack participants had an affair with my partner (I got rid of the partner). But I couldn't get rid of her - she was a paying member and turned up every week - seriously to this day I still marvel at the cheek of her. I wanted to show I was strong, I wanted to show I was professional, and I wanted to show I was better than her - and I did that. Underneath the bravado it hurt, and it hurt like hell - this B***H had an affair with my partner, told me and behaved like she was the one hard done by, and the continued to come to my class - I wanted out of the situation, but loved my Attack class and loved teaching it and at the time I could not see a way out. So my body did the one thing it could do to get me out of the situation and it gave me an injury that only ever really affects my Attack teaching. I was carrying a very raw and huge emotional hurt, I didn't want to admit it - and thought I'll just ignore it and it will go away!!!!!!
My knee is improving fantastically well since I acknowledged and let go of the emotional pain of that situation. The physio rehab is also working all the muscles and strengthening up my legs. Maybe in the future I will feel my knee is recovered enough to teach attack again and at the moment I am not putting that pressure on myself to have that as my goal. I've lived and worked with a torn ACL for years now, and sometimes I am quite thankful for it as it has sent me on a different path. A path a little less intense physically, but just as fun.